So today I turn 37. To many reading this, that seems very young. To others reading this, that seems very old. The reason is I have friends spread evenly across the age spectrum. Some are still in school… some have great grandchildren. When I log on to DTSpace, I am greeted with a wide range of birthday cards from the traditional “You’re Special” to the ever humorous “Birthdays Stink”. Yet despite my loving friends, idyllic lifestyle, perfect dream job and beautiful family, I’m feeling a bit old.
Oh it’s not from lack of love I assure you! I have more blessings than I can keep track of. But in a way, that’s kinda the problem. See… I long for nothing. I’m sure there are many who would envy my lifestyle. The mere sight of my wife fills me with excitement and awe. Even financial struggles seem less serious when compared with what God has already given me as my daily bread.
One would think that if a person has such an abundance of wealth and blessings, that person might be more inclined to be zealous for God. Certainly, out of love, we move and make action. Yet I don’t see myself as a zealous man. I see myself as a lazy man. A man who has gotten a little too round and much too complacent. I see myself as getting old in my sins.
Everyman has sin even up to the point of death. To think that sin will never plague your life is foolish. Sin is always present. But slowly, over time, we can begin to think that the sins we struggle with everyday are just a normal part of Christian life. I convinced myself of this. But now, this is getting a little old even for me.
As I creep up on the intimidating big 4-0, I see less and less signs in myself of youthful energy. I don’t attribute this to my health or diet… but rather to the years I have allowed even the smallest of sins to slip in unconfessed.
So I want to be more open with the sins in my heart, no matter how small they are. It’s not like I have all the time in the world to get this right.
