I write this in one of my worst moods… so how’s THAT for a “don’t-say-I-didn’t-warn-ya?”
As some of the readers of this blog already know, I have a unique case of degenerative disk disease. This means that a lower lumbar disk in my spine has become ‘dehydrated’ and is causing pain. But in MY case, my disk first became engorged, pushed up next to my spinal cord, AND THEN dehydrated. There is no way to ‘re-hydrate’ it, therefore, it’s locked in it’s size and position.
This means that whenever I sit down or bend over, my spine bends forward pushing the disk FURTHER into my spinal cord causing extreme pain and, on bad days, a loss of feeling in my legs. This makes walking or standing even hard since I can’t really feel my legs. On these bad days, I tend to fall down a lot… further damaging my disk.
The true danger here is that since my disk is physically touching my spinal cord, surgery is very risky. Three different neurosurgeons have told me that there is no way they would operate on me unless there were no other option. As of right now, all the doctors tell me that pain management is my best option. However, since any further aggravation of the disk could rupture it and send slices of disk into my spinal cord, there are some things I am NOT permitted to do. Sitting in a car for more than 10 minutes, lifting more than a half-gallon of milk, bending down to pick something off the floor, going on any kind of amusement park ride, surfing, skiing, skydiving (no worries there), hanging by my arms or legs, stretching more than a few seconds, and the most important thing that doctors and specialists all tell me to avoid; PICKING UP MY CHILDREN!
So parents, ask yourself this: Could you live without ever picking up your children? To hug them, they must get up on a chair or sofa to reach you, because you cannot bend down. To hold them or cuddle them, you must lay down flat and they can snuggle up to you. And if they should get hurt, fall down or worse… the only thing you can do is STAND THERE and console them verbally! Seriously?!? Could you do it?
Yet doctors and specialists expect people like me to accept that kind of advice as sound judgement. I realize my condition is tame compared to others, but I KNOW others have just as hard a time following their doctors’ orders. And it’s not lack of concern for health that motivates us to disobey doctor’s orders… its not laziness, selfishness, or gluttony. It’s a serious, STRONG desire to interact with others in a meaningful way.
When I see friends come over my house and play with my kids… when I see my brothers pick up my sons and throw them around and I see the laughter and excitement on my kids faces… and when I see that I cannot give that experience to my own kids, I just realized that my kids are being deprived by my medical condition just as much as I am. And in that thinking, sometimes I just don’t care about doctor’s orders.
So this is the demon I must fight on a daily basis: The desire to be a father, husband and man when I see that my household is in desperate need of all of these.
